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Declaring the Relationship Revolution

Your relationship is yours, yours together, and it belongs to no one else. It is yours together to create and negotiate, nurture and enjoy. This may seem like a statement of the obvious, but I encourage you right now to examine ways that your relationship is affected by external influences. It is not a judgment, merely an exercise that may spark insight. Despite the fact that we live in one-size-fits-all relationship culture, you have every right to dream up the most amazing relationship together and make it happen. It doesn’t have to fit within a certain definition or category or look like anyone else expects it to look. It is yours!

The only people whose satisfaction regarding the relationship is necessary are the people in the relationship. If it works for you together and brings you fulfillment and satisfaction, give yourselves permission to revel in it in all its unique glory. If you are living a relationship according to how partnerships “should” look and you are dissatisfied, it is time for you together to declare your own relationship revolution.

My experiences with partnerships as their coach has proven to me that people are most satisfied in relationships where their evolving needs are met through constant direct communication. Although research supports that the concepts of high levels of quality communication and partners being attentive to others’ needs lead to people feeling more satisfied in their relationships, it is more important to acknowledge it just resonates in our experience as human beings.

It is really the experience of each partnership as they engage the feedback loop of changing habit patterns of communication that the more they share with each other, the more information they each get in return. No one is left guessing. Each partner sets the other up for success by communicating their desires and needs which supports an informed response. The more your partner asks for exactly what they need, the better you can meet your partner’s needs. Further, knowing that your relationship is your co-creation is an acknowledgment that no one unilaterally makes decisions. The communication is a constant, solution-oriented negotiation.

Embracing the dance of the negotiation allows for direct communication of needs while also leaving space for a creative counter offer. Also, it is never a bad idea to get advice from a professional like life coach Chicago and see how they can be of help.

Just a Spot of Arthritis?

“I suppose its just a spot of arthritis”, is what older people often say about the pain that is getting at them. Usually, however, they have only a vague idea of what arthritis is, but speak with a certain fatalistic resignation. “Arthritis” for them is pain you get when you get old and which can’t be helped. Of course there is some consolation to be had from being able to name your pain, so that most people will prefer to be able to say that they have a “bit of arthritis”, even though they don’t really know what that means, than to simply have an unaccountably aching thumb, hip or knee. Maybe, even, it hurts less if you can name it.

To some extent it is true that joints do gradually wear out over time. But sometimes just a couple of sessions of acupuncture treatment, and perhaps a little cupping, and the pain abates, maybe considerably. So how can that be if the joint really is worn out? If it really is arthritis, how come the pain has gone? Surely the joint can’t have just been repaired so quickly? There are a number of possible explanations, one of which is as follows:

When we examine around the area of the joint in question, we often find what we call ‘ah-shi points’. ‘Ah-shi’ is Chinese for something like, ‘ouch, yes!’, what the patient may say when we press the point and illicit what for them might be the typical pain they feel around the joint. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, ah-shi points are places where the local flow of Qi is blocked. To some extent at least, ah-shi points correspond to the western notion of the (active) myofascial trigger point. This is a point on a particularly taut band of muscle fibre which, when activated, triggers what the patient recognises as their typical pain. This might be in the region of the trigger point itself, but not necessarily; sometimes the pain is referred to another region, so that trigger points in some of the quadriceps muscles of the thigh, for instance, may cause pain that is felt in the knee. Trigger points in muscles may develop secondarily to joint dysfunction – if a joint is not working so well, it is not surprising that this affects some of the muscles which work the joint. So for example if the knee joint is arthritic, the quadriceps may develop trigger points.

Often in my experience it is these trigger points which are causing most of the pain, not the joint itself.; much of the pain is actually muscular in origin. But whereas arthritic joints cannot easily be repaired (or replaced) trigger points can be released, sometimes quite easily with acupuncture and other treatments such as cupping therapy. Hence the pain, which the patient thought was going to be a lifelong companion, can be eased or even dispersed altogether. Of course if the muscle is tight because of a problem with the joint, it may tighten up again and redevelop trigger points, but an occasional treatment may still be enough to keep it good. Also some gentle exercises or stretches may help, as well a topical herbal application and some sensible precautions, with regard to the weather for instance.

So the moral of this story is, don’t be too hasty in settling for the label ‘arthritis’. A lot of pain is at least partly muscular, and muscles can respond to treatment.

Source: Arlington Acupuncture